A nice little leap and clearing out some mental cobwebs

Exercise/Activity for the week:

• Sunday 
• I did my Kettlenettics Flow Motion Basics DVD. I'd forgotten how hard it is.
• Ended up serving at the cafe. Had a group of 10 come in and we didn't know ahead of time, so my mom and I  went up to help. She worked in the kitchen and I was running food and beverages. It went well, but I wouldn't have exercised beforehand, or would have at least done a different DVD. 

Weigh in results:

• Down 1.8 this week! I have no idea how I managed that one, but needless to say I'm extremely happy about it. :) :) 

Goals for July:

• Work out/get organized activity 2 times a week
• Work on sleep schedule again

I don't think I quite realized how emotionally stressful my relationship was these last few years until the relationship was over and  I'd had time to look back at things and analyze them. I was definitely using food to self-medicate for things I couldn't figure out how to approach for us to work on, or just didn't have the time to deal with (especially during grad school). Even though living with my parents is somewhat stressful (especially with my job search still on going) it is a more supportive environment regarding food.

This time around I really feel as though the weight loss is for the right reasons. I'm not (no longer) stressing to lose it by a certain date. While being smaller will make me feel more confident when I am ready to start dating again, it is not a driving factor. I'm not hoping that it will help things in my current relationship anymore... It is now really, truly, and honestly all about and for me. I don't feel bad or selfish making special food requests or turning down an offer of food. If I'm in a situation where there is a food item that I really want but wasn't originally planning on eating, I evaluate if I can work it in, or maybe just have a taste. I'm not feeling deprived, nor do I feel that I need to plan every single second of my eating. I still need to work on eating more fruits and veggies, but that is coming slowly, and gradual changes are the ones that stick long term.

This is definitely a nice head space to be in. The binging thoughts and urges have mostly gone away. I'm realizing that they were majorly tied to my trying to self-medicate and to get things that I wasn't getting from my relationship (which obviously didn't work on a lot of levels). I still have moments, hours, and even full days when I still struggle with the fact that my relationship is over. But considering we were together for a little over ten years, I'd say it is normal.