I skipped weigh in this week, because I wanted to have breakfast on Saturday morning with my Aunt and Uncle who were visiting from Maine. I could have gone and weighed in on Friday but I just didn't have the motivation.
Lack of motivation is my mindset lately, and I'm not liking it. My tracking is getting spotty, I'm not really paying attention/caring what I eat..... The last time I did WW and was successful with it, I started struggling at about the 20 pounds lost mark. That time I did get to 25lb lost but then my weight started to creep up again (of course, that was also when my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and my dog passed away). Unfortunately for the next two and a half years, through grad school and beyond, my weight continued to go up, reaching my highest ever weight.....
I'm playing around with the idea of finding/buying a motivational type book to try and help reset my mindset. I also play around with the idea of starting to go to meetings here instead of just weighing in and leaving. I really don't know if either of these options would actually help me any....
I know that I operate best when my life has a schedule and a sense of order to it. Regular approximate times for meals, internet, errands, exercise, etc. At the same time, I know that I stick to a schedule better when I have an external force that is influencing the schedule and therefore also helping to hold me accountable. I have a problem holding myself accountable in all areas of my life. I guess that deep down it is a self-worth issue. Intellectually I know that I'm worth the time and effort it takes to maintain a healthy lifestyle (which I consider includes eating, exercise, sleep, and general environment maintenance), but there's that constant little voice that gets really loud that says "why bother? I don't care" When I spend the day doing nothing, basically just watching tv/DVDs and/or reading books, deep down for the most part I'm not really enjoying myself. I mean, I probably was enjoying myself for an hour or so, but definitely not the entire day. Yet, I get sucked in and stuck in that mood/mode and can't shake it. And when I try to talk myself into doing something, anything, "productive" my response is always that it is too much effort for too little result so why bother. Sigh... So far in this funk of a mood, I've managed to avoid giving in to binging on food, though the mood has zapped my focus in trying to control portions and eat somewhat balanced.
Well, I'm going to wrap this entry up here, pack up my stuff, stretch my legs a little wandering the aisles of Barnes and Noble, then off to Hannaford and then home.
Are you sure you aren't me? :)
ReplyDeleteI have those sort of "Sigh. This is a drag" moods frequently. I also waste my days and seem unable to stick to my 'healthy' plans. All I am doing is not gaining - which is a BIG achievement right now. (I am glad I am not alone.)
I hear ya lady. You just lost 19.6 pounds though and that is fantastic! AND you did it despite everything that has happened this year. Seriously, that is an achievement! YOu could have thrown in the towel and truly given up, but you're here and you're trying. No one can take that from you.Perspective is everything and it's easy to get negative...we all get there.I've been trying to channel the motivation and I realize, I get ahead of myself and I am quick to forget everything I did well. One thing you can celebrate, you have insight into this "dragging moment." Observation of what and why you do what you do is part of the battle and you're doing great.
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